I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
