You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
