Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize