A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
