WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
