upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
