Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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