I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
