You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
