I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
