I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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