if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
