did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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