I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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