Who did Billy Mays play for?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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