Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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