Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
