just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
