come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
