Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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