HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
