Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
