if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
