You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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