I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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