can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
