I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
