She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
