Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
