you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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