I'm going to jail i love you
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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