I think my vagina is haunted
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize