I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
