I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
one might say we're banned from that church
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
