Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
