i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
