Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
