there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
