dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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