Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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