You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
