Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
