If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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