My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
