everyone is single if you try hard enough
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
