Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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