I met the friendliest cop last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize