do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
