I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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