Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
