finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
