You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
