he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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