Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
