Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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