i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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