Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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