Four minutes until I can fart!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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