so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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