Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
