just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You've changed since you got that strap on
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
