happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
