Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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