Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
