Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
