they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
