I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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