next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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