On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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