if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He better not be in your backpack
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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