I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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