I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How does one acquire holy water?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
