do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
