god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
