Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
