Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
